


If Only...

by onetruefangirl25



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Guilt, Revelations, Romance, Sulking, bbrae - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 14:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4352414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onetruefangirl25/pseuds/onetruefangirl25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beast Boy knows he likes Raven but how does he get her to like him back?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Raven was quietly meditating in her room and was somewhat at peace as she repeated her chant over and over. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos....Azarath Metrion Zinthos...Azarath Metrio-" "Hey Rae!" Beastboy yelled through the door as he knocked loudly. Raven gave a deep sigh and reluctantly stood up and walked to her door to open it. "What do you want?" she asked in her typical monotone. Beastboy smiled despite her obvious annoyance. "Um hey Rae...I was just wondering if you wanted to go on my daily walk with me." "You ask me everyday" she said. "I know...and I'm not gonna stop till you say yes" he said with a cocky grin. She rolled her eyes "I'm not interested" she said as she went to slide the door shut. "Come on Raven" he wined "just this once...you might find it fun" "I'm not exactly one to have fun Beastboy" "Please for me...I won't talk the whole time" he pleaded. Raven sighed "Fine...but just this once." His face lit up with joy "You won't regret it Rae...meet me downstairs in 5" he said happily as he raced down the hall to his room to get ready.

\---In BB's Room (Now)---

Beastboy was standing in front of the mirror in his separate bathroom. "Pull yourself together Garfield...it's just a walk" he said to himself and took a deep breath. Beastboy has always liked Raven. Even when she shut him out all the time, he knew she couldn't help it. Over time they slowly became more close but not much. After the....incident with Terra, Raven was there for him and his feelings for her became stronger. He couldn't help but think that under the mask Raven always puts on, she might actually like him too. And that's why this walk has to go perfect. He doesn't want to act like an idiot (more than he already acted anyway) and make her not want to hang around him anymore. So with another deep breath he roughed up his hair (so it looks super cute ;)) and made his way out of his room to the main room.


	2. Chapter 2

The gentle waves of the lake crashed along the shore of Titans Island. Beastboy and Raven were walking along the shore in a comfortable silence. The wind was blowing through both of their hair and everything seemed at peace and calm. A small smile graced Raven's face and Beastboy couldn't help but smile too. "I told you you would like this" he said casually putting his hands in his pockets. "I thought you said no talking" she said with the same small smile on her face. He smirked "I said I wouldn't talk the entire time, which I haven't" he said matter-of-factly. She gave a faint glare at him but turned to look out at the lake and the glowing city beyond it. Beastboy joined her and sighed contently "Thank you" he whispered not bothering to turn and look at her. She became slightly confused and looked over at him "For what?" She asked. "For this. This has been...the best night I've had since Terra..." his voice drifted off. She continued to look down at him softly "That can't possibly be true" she said as she couldn't think of what was so great about what they've done tonight. He chuckled slightly "Of course it's true...I wouldn't lie to you Rae" he stated. "Why is tonight so special?" she whispered. At this he turned to face her and became nervous at how close they were actually standing next to each other. Just a few inches and he could do what he'd dreamed of for months now, possibly even years. He swallowed hard and kept a calm face as he gave a small and gentle smile "Cause I'm spending it with you Raven" he whispered with a serious tone in his voice. Her cheeks ghosted with a faint blush as many things rushed through her head at what he could have meant by that. "We should probably go inside, it's getting cold" Beastboy stated breaking through her thoughts. She nodded not able to think of anything to say.

\---Inside---

Once they reached the warmth of Titan Tower again, Raven headed straight for her room to start meditating on what had just happened. It was true that she had enjoyed walking along Titan Island with Beastboy and she had to admit it did bring her to respect and become closer to him. But other thoughts raced through her head. 'Did he call me special?' 'Why would he do that?' 'We're just friends' 'Why were we standing so close?' 'I don't let Robin or Cyborg that close into my personal space'. As all these thoughts ran through her head she let out a deep breath and started to chant the ancient words of her old home.

\---BB's Room---

Beastboy walked into his room and slid down the door behind him and let out a content sigh. He smiled as his mind wandered to the walk on the shore that occurred just minutes before. 'If only I had the courage to just lean forward a few inches' he thought 'But yet I don't want to spring anything on Raven...she might not even like me...but I think I saw her blush earlier...I might still have a chance'. He smiled as he fell asleep on the door with the thought of Raven in his mind.

\---A few hours later---

Beastboy woke up and stretched his arms but didn't get up. 'I never noticed all the small things about Raven that make her so great...even if she doesn't see it'. Just as he was about to get up, his door slid open and he fell on his back. He let out a small yelp of surprise and looked up to see who had opened his door. He smiled as he looked to see Raven above him with her arms around herself and a gentle expression on her face. "Oh...Hey Rae" he said still smiling. She raised an eyebrow "What were you doing leaning up against the door?" she asked. "I fell asleep and I just woke up but you opened the door before I had a chance to stand up" he explained. "Uh huh...Robin said to come to dinner...you're late" she said. "What's for dinner?" he asked mentally preparing himself to make his own meal. Usually A.) Cyborg was cooking and used a lot of meat and dairy products or B.) Starfire was cooking and that...it's just inedible. "I think Cyborg decided on breakfast for dinner...so he made waffles, eggs, bacon, and sausage" she said her monotone breaking slightly. He sighed slightly annoyed he'd have to make his own dinner but he was concerned when he could see that Raven was obviously thinking hard about something, so hard in fact that her voice broke slightly while she was talking. "You ok Rae? You looked sorta stressed" he asked her. She looked down at him and shook her head "I'm fine" she said managing to keep her monotone even this time. "You sure? I'm always here to talk if you need me" he said. For an unknown reason those words touched Raven and made her feel different somehow but she decided to shield it just like she always does. "I said I'm fine Beastboy...now come on before Robin gets really mad because you can't get your ass off the floor" she said as she turned and walked to the main room. Beastboy laughed slightly knowing that Raven meant well and followed after her into the main room so he could start another argument with his best friend over how he needs to start putting tofu on his menu.

\---The Next Day---

It was about 6 am on Friday and the Titan alarm went off signaling there was trouble in Jump City. Robin, Cyborg, Starfire, and Raven were all ready to go but they were missing one of their team members. "Where is he we need to have a plan and go now!" Robin exclaimed. "You know Beasty, it's 6 o'clock on a Friday...he's not going to get up on his own" Cyborg said. "Dudes! Why do the bad guys have to start crime so early!!" Beastboy said as he slowly stumbled into the main room. "Well I guess I was wrong. The Grass Stain can get out of bed on his own" Cyborg smirked. Beastboy glared at him "I'm 17 years old I'm capable...just super tired" he said. Robin cut through their pitiful fight with urgency "It looks like Red X has infiltrated a warehouse down by the docks. The employees there said that it contained dangerous chemicals so we're going to go down there, find him, and arrest him. Remember his weaknesses and don't let him hit you with yours" Robin said quickly "Titans GO!"

\---Abandoned Warehouse---

"Ok Cyborg, Starfire your with me...we'll look for Red X in the right side of the warehouse. Raven, Beastboy take the left" Robin whispered as they entered the chemical warehouse. The Titans nodded and headed off in their assigned directions. As Beastboy and Raven walked in the left half of the warehouse Raven pulled up her hood and Beastboy got in a defensive stance, still walking while he did so. "Well, well what do we have here" a voice said from the shadows. Raven automatically surrounded her hands with black energy and Beastboy growled and waited for the threat to show itself. Red X stepped out of the shadows and chuckled darkly. He had recently been spying on the Titans trying to learn new weaknesses to use in such a situation like this. "If it isn't my favorite couple in all of Jump City." Beastboy growled as a light blush coated his cheeks "Why are you here!" Completely ignoring Beastboy's question he began circling around the two. "Is it not like that huh Beastboy...perhaps I should tell you about my new power I've recently developed from some new chemicals" he said. Both Beastboy and Raven listened curiously but never put their guard down. "I've seen your dreams Beastboy...I've been watching for quite some time...looking for the right time to strike" Red X said mischievously. Raven eyebrows furrowed together as she was confused about what could be special about Beastboy's dreams that would be usable as a weakness. Beastboy blushed darker and turned away from Red X. "I never knew that one of the most innocent Teen Titans could have such....not so innocent thoughts and dreams" he said tauntingly. Beastboy's face was totally red now as he tried not to listen to focus. "And about your own team mate no less..." he said smirking from under his mask. Raven was very confused now. 'What is he talking about?' she thought contemplating on weather to stop Red X now. Beastboy took a deep breath "You don't know what your talking about." "Oh don't I Beastboy..." he said as he got closer to BB "'Mmm..Raven...'" He said mimicking Beastboy's voice. Raven's eyes widened 'He can't possibly mean...'. Beastboy looked at Raven and their eyes locked. Beastboy panted slightly as he saw the look on Raven's face...the confusion and slight realization. 'This can't be happening' Beastboy thought. "'Ugh...more...'" Red X said repeating BB's voice once again. Beastboy couldn't take it anymore. He didn't even bother shapeshifting, he just charged at Red X. Raven saw that Red X wasn't moving and then she realized 'That's what he wants'. Raven panicked, "AzarathMetrionZinthos!!" she said fast. A wall of black energy appeared and Beastboy ran into it landing on his back and groaning in pain. She sighed a little in relief but soon returned to the task at hand. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos" she said powerfully. Before the black energy reached Red X he was gone.

\---Later in the Afternoon---

Beastboy had been in his room ever since they got home from the battle. Robin had been disappointed that they hadn't caught Red X but wasn't too worried because he wasn't a big threat to the city...he just liked to mess with the Titans. Beastboy was slightly horrified at what happened with Red X. He didn't know weather Raven had figured out his feelings and he didn't want to know what she thought his dreams were about. He knows how it must have sounded but his dreams weren't exactly inappropriate. He has lately been having dreams about what it would be like to kiss Raven and his dreams have never gone farther than a make out session. He sighed as he fell back onto his bed. "I didn't want her to find out this way" he whispered to himself as he moved his hands up his face in frustration. He heard a knock on his door and he sighed again. "I don't need a lecture Robin I know I messed up" he said. The door opened and Beastboy growled slightly "Seriously Robin I don't need your-" he sat up to see not Robin but Raven. "Oh Rae...sorry I thought you were uh Robin" he said. The look on Raven's face resembled uncertainty and she wouldn't look up at him. "Are you ok?" he asked. "What was it back there with Red X" she asked. Beastboy could hear his heart pounding loud in his chest "He was just trying to mess with my head...I guess it worked" he said. She looked up at him "Have you hade dreams about me Beastboy?" she asked in her monotone not revealing any emotion. He looked away and took a deep breath 'No turning back now'. "Yes" he whispered. "Why?" she asked "First you say I'm special then you say you have dreams about me...what does this mean Beastboy?" He stood up and turned to face her "Raven...it means that I like you...I really really like you" he said keeping eye contact with her. "That cant happen Beastboy...you love Terra and there's nothing good about me for you" she said as she stood up straight and kept a calm exterior. "Ok first of all Rae...I don't love Terra...not anymore...and I've been over her for months now" he said stepping a little closer to Raven "And second there is plenty of good in you Raven...you always tell yourself that your not good enough and I can see through that...you're more than enough...your great and just because your father's a demon doesn't make you one." He was standing close now and Raven began to worry internally. "Beastboy....we can't ok...I'm sorry" she said. She turned to leave but he grabbed her hand and she gasped slightly "Raven...please give this a chance...I didn't want you to find out this way...I wanted it to be slower and smoother but now I'm running out of time...I know I'm not exactly what people call your type...I admit to being immature and no I don't think things through most of the time but this is one thing I've had plenty of time to think about...I liked you before Terra and I liked you after Terra...hell I still liked you while I liked Terra I was just too lovesick to see it...I've had time and all I can think about is how much I want to get to know you Rae...I want to make you see how wonderful you are...please Raven just give me that chance" he pleaded. "Beastboy...I'm really sorry...I've never felt closer to anyone but you and everything you just said makes me want to give you a chance...but I can't" she said struggling to keep her emotions at bay. He started to feel the pain of rejection inside his heart and he felt like he wanted to cry but he didn't want to do that in front of Raven. "Why not Rae?" he said in a soft voice loosening the grip on her wrist. She sighed, she knew this was really hurting him but she couldn't do anything about it. "I can't love Beastboy" she said softly. He looked up at her "Of course you can-" He said looking up. "Love is an emotion you idiot" she said quietly. Beastboy never thought of that before, he didn't want to believe that Raven was incapable of love. The pain in his heart grew bigger and he felt tears threatening to fall. "Say that love wasn't an emotion...then would you give me a chance?" he asked. "I don't know if it'd work with us being opposites and you being annoying as hell sometimes...but I suppose I would" she said. Something came over Beastboy...knowing the only thing between him and Raven was the minute fact that love was an emotion. Mixed together with the pain and desperateness Beastboy reached forward and put both his hands on either side of her face an pressed his lips to hers. Ravens eyes widened as she couldn't hold back her emotions anymore. Black energy surrounded his nightstand lamp and a vase near his window and they both exploded and sent prices of glass and clay flying everywhere. Raven pulled away and took a step back. "I'm sorry" he said as he looked down at the ground and this time tears really did fall down his face. Raven was still wide eyed at what had just happened. She looked around at the broken shards all over Beastboy's room now and was slightly horrified. "I...I..I told you this can't work" she said as she felt like she always caused bad things to happen. She turned around and left to go to her room so that she could meditate to get her emotions back in check. Beastboy crumbled to his knees and let the tears fall down his face. The pain he felt was something he had never felt before. He thought losing Terra had hurt like hell, but now the loss of Raven is hitting him ten fold.


	3. Chapter 3

\---2 Weeks Later---  
\---Raven's POV---

It has been weeks. At least I think it has been. I haven't really been counting. 'I can't love Beastboy' 'I...I..I told you this can't work'. These words have been eating at my brain preventing me from sleeping lately. No matter how much I meditated or willed myself to forget...his face, his pained expression, kept appearing in my mind. I've broken his heart and I acted as though I didn't care. I might have acted this way but in this process I believe I've broke my own heart if I even have one. We saw each other in the main room or the hallway but we just ignored each other. Sometimes he looked like he desperately wanted to talk to me but he always closed his mouth and looked away. If I was thinking logically I would probably have sat and talked to him myself. How do you sit down with the person who loves you and all you've done is throw his feelings away? I told myself it couldn't work but honestly I have spells and other readings that would allow me to control my emotions to be with Beastboy. Why haven't I told him? I don't know how. There's something that makes me feel like I shouldn't be with him. What is it? What is between me and Beastboy that's trying to keep us apart?

\---Normal POV---

Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg had noticed the great tension between their two friends. They hadn't brought it up to either of them but it looked as though it was effecting both of their abilities. In training Raven's attempts at defense were weakening and nowhere close to where they should be and Beastboy's attacks were sloppy and ill planned. This did not set well with Robin. Starfire had tried to appeal to him saying they just needed "the space" but he had insisted someone needed to talk to at least one of them. Starfire then volunteered to have "the girl talk" with Raven. 

\---Raven's Room---

"Azerath Metr- ah forget it" she sighed deeply. She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes and let out a slow breath. That's when she heard a knock at her door. "Not now" she said softly to whomever was behind the door. "Please friend Raven I only wish to speak with you for a few moments" Starfire said. Raven opened her eyes and stared at her door and eventually said "Star it really isn't the best time-" "Friend Raven please. It seems as though you need the comfort." Raven looked down and surrounded the door with black energy and slid it open. Starfire stepped in and sat next to Raven on her bed. "What bothers you friend?" she asked. Raven looked at her "It's nothing Star, just a misunderstanding of sorts" she said softly. "A misunderstanding between you and friend Beastboy?" The alien inquired. "Yes" Raven said and looked away. "What has happened that has caused you two to drift apart?" Star questioned. "It's complicated" was all Raven said. "Please tell me friend I will make the promise not to tell" Starfire said pleadingly. ".....He told me that he really liked me" Raven started. "Oh that is marvelous friend! Why is this the bad news?" she asked. "I'm not finished...and I...I told him that we couldn't be together because of my...inability to like someone that way...which I   
thought to be true at the time" Raven said. Starfire listened quietly absorbing everything Raven was saying and waited patiently for her to continue. "But then...his face...he looked so hurt and desperate and then all of the sudden he..he...he leaned forward and he just..." "You engaged in the lip contact?" Starfire said trying to finish Raven's sentence for her. "Yea" Raven said as her monotone broke and she sounded like she was going to cry even though Starfire could see none in her eyes. "It is okay friend...this is a good thing no? You and Beastboy could be happy" she said. "It's not like that Star, I'm not good for him...I'm not good for anybody" Raven said staring at the floor. "Maybe this information will help you...friend Beastboy knows you well and if he did not think you were good for him, he would not have told you of his feelings of attraction towards you. So perhaps if you let him start the relationship with you, you'll see the good that is inside yourself" Starfire said offering a small friendly smile. "I'll think about it, thanks Star" Raven said. Starfire smiled and nodded. She silently left the room and Raven just stared after her deep in thought. 

\---Later that Night---  
\---The Roof---

Beastboy sat near the edge of the roof with his knees to his chest as he stared up at the stars above him. Tears glistened in his eyes as he reflected on everything that's happened lately. One question constantly played in his head, the reason he couldn't just let go. Why? Why couldn't she love? She has emotions...he's seen them! He's been in her mind before for Gods sakes!! He wanted it so badly. He just wanted to be with her. He'd be willing to do about anything, anything at all. He heard the door behind him open and he didn't bother to turn around assuming it was Cyborg coming to talk to him again. "Don't you think it's a little cold out here?" he heard a very familiar voice whisper. "Raven..." He breathed quietly. "Mind if I join you?" She whispered. "Of course not" he whispered looking up at her. She slowly sat beside him and crossed her legs. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for many moments before Raven spoke up softly. "How bad does it hurt?" She asked. He looked at her and let his legs dangle over the edge. "How bad does what hurt?" He asked knowing perfectly well what she was talking about but just wanting to be sure. "The rejection" she said simply. He looked up at the stars as tears started to form in his eyes again. "It hurts like hell...I've never felt so abandoned and crushed..." he said as he let a single tear run down his cheek. "I'm sorry..." she said. He shook his head "Don't be...if you don't feel the same I'm not going to force you to do anything...I just want to make you happy Rae" he said sniffling and wiping his nose on his sleeve. She sighed "Look Beastboy...the fact is that I'm scared" she said and closed her eyes. He looked at her "Scared? That's an emotion Rae...you said you can't feel anything" he said. "I thought I couldn't Beastboy but the truth is my heart has been aching for the past two weeks. All I've thought about is you and I don't understand what this means...I'm not supposed to be able to feel anything...be with anyone" she said. "So you can feel?" he asked as he stood up and began to pace. "I..I'm not sure anymore" she said as she stood up too watching him. He turned to her "I want you to be sure" he said sternly. "I can't be sure Beastboy" she said and looked down. He stepped forward and grabbed her hands and brought them to his chest and she let out a surprised gasp. "Look at me Raven" he said. She was hesitant but turned her head and locked eyes with him. All the mixed emotions there made her want to turn away, especially the emotion that was coming through the most. Determination. "Look at me now and tell me you can't love" he said firmly. She continued to stare into his bright green eyes and stammered trying to answer him. "I..I..I can't...can't..." She looked down. She couldn't say it. It would be lying to him again. "I didn't think so" he  
said. "Say it with me Rae" he said "I can love". She looked up at him "I can love" she whispered. "That's all I needed to know Raven" he said. He let go of her and headed towards the door to go back inside. She stared after him. 'I can love' 'I can love' 'I love him' 'I love Beastboy' she thought. She felt weight lift off of her at this realization. "Garfield..." She whispered. She ran after him. She caught up to him and turned him around. He looked at her and gave her a confused expression. He had expected to get her to see that she could feel and go inside to his room. Just making her realize was enough for him to be happy. She leaned forward to his ear "I can love Garfield, and I love you" she whispered.


End file.
